Dean & Seamus: Buddy Aurors
by valerianfelicis
Summary: It's 12 years after the Battle of Hogwarts. Dean and Seamus are working as aurors beneath Harry Potter. Follow them on cases that will delve into the murkiest mysteries of the magical world.


**Disclaimer: Once my plans for world domination come to fruition both this world and the Harry Potter one will be under my command. Until then I must regretfully inform you that this is purely fanfiction and that this all belongs to a JK Rowling, whoever that is.**

Dean sat down with a hard thump; his drink clinked heavily down onto the table causing some of the contents to leap from the cup and splash harmlessly down on an old, wooden table. The pub he was in, Ye Olde Man & Scythe, was a small archaic building on Knockturn Alley, only two doors down from the turning into Diagon Alley. The air in the pub was thick with smoke making it almost suffocating. It was dimly lit, as it seemed to be just a few candles short of a comforting atmosphere, instead the flickering orange hue gave the place an eerie quality.

"Here's the bastard now," Seamus announced jovially, "what drink you get?"

Seamus was swaying in his inebriation, sat beside him were two stoically sober strangers, they did not seem to appreciate Seamus's personality.

"A Jean Nunt Honnick." Dean answered.

"Told you!" Seamus all but shouted at the two strangers, at least it seemed to Dean that's who he was shouting too, he hadn't been looking at them though when he did. "He's my best mate I know what he drinks. And no I'm not ashamed that my best friend consistently orders female drinks." Seamus slurred but only silence accompanied his words. "Well maybe a little." Seamus conceded.

"You know I've always wondered how you somehow become more articulate the more you drink." Dean retorted.

"Well wonder no longer, it's my Irish blood." Seamus and Dean both chuckled but the two gentlemen remained as unengaged as ever. One attempted a surreptitious glance behind him, towards the door, which did not go unnoticed.

"Waiting for someone?" Dean probed.

"Looking for someone," was the sharp response.

A silence hung in the air and Dean was of the distinct impression that the two gentlemen were now sizing him and Seamus up.

"Anyway before you sat down we were having quite the philosophical debate." Seamus said seemingly not noticing any tension between the people around him. Everyone relaxed at his words and one of the strangers even laughed.

"Oh?" Dean enunciated with curiosity.

"Yeah." Seamus said enthusiastically as he wobbled around even as he was sitting down. "I was talking about how society is bullshit."

"I see." Dean returned in a placating manner, as though Seamus had been explaining something profound.

"Yeah I was quoting that muggle guru you told me about, Ushu or something. Y'know the stuff about rebellion coming from rejecting societal norms."

"Quoting?" Dean asked with a smirk.

"Alright paraphrasing then, you bastard." Seamus said and almost slapped one of the strangers in the act of turning abruptly in anger, the stranger just nonchalantly leaned back to avoid the slight blow. "But tell him what you told me." Seamus said to one of the men.

"I said I was amazed that a muggle had come up with such rich insight."

"Crazy, ain't it, Dean? 'S almost exactly what I said to you, didn't I?"

"That is crazy." Dean said in a deadpan tone as he took a sip from his drink.

"Bah! Nothing excites you, does it?" Seamus said in seeming annoyance. "That's cool, I've got new friends. What're your names again?"

"We didn't tell you. I'm Franco Chucklebuck and this is my partner Alexei Kyrstovich."

"Knew it." Seamus said and before the strangers could even process those words two wands were trained on them. "You're under arrest." Suddenly Seamus was no longer wobbling and in fact showed absolutely no signs of being drunk at all.

Alexei looked into Dean's eyes for a split second before grabbing his partner and turning in his seat. The moment's hesitation was all that was needed for Dean to grab onto Franco while Seamus simultaneously grabbed hold of Dean and all four were apparated away from Ye Olde Man & Scythe. Dean and Seamus found themselves in a long field that seemed to stretch for as far as the eye could see in all directions without the eyes finding anything but greenery.

"Impedimenta!" Dean shouted instantly and the two criminals were blasted backwards before stilling in mid-air. Or at least they seemingly stilled, an astute observer might instead notice they were in actual fact falling to the ground in slow motion.

"Petrificus Totalus!" Seamus finished the duel all too swiftly as the criminals' limbs were locked to their suspended bodies. "I love how they always try to apparate to the middle of nowhere, as if undercover aurors wouldn't be expecting that."

"Well nobody ever said criminals were unspeakables." Dean said as he pocketed the outlaws' wands.

"That saying will never catch on, mate."

"Well it's better than the confused look I get when I say rocket scientist."

"Is it?" Seamus asked patronisingly.

"Just shut up and let's get these scumbags back to Harry. Oh, also, 'that's exactly what I said, ain't it,' were you trying to get me to laugh and make them suspicious?"

As Dean said this the impediment jinx appeared to wear off and the two body bound criminals fell to the ground with a thump. Seamus tried to internalise his mirth.

"Yeah cause these guys were so on the ball. Could tell I almost had you there though."

Dean rolled his eyes as he flicked his wand and thick metal chains materialised around the criminals, binding them together. Dean grabbed the chains and disapparated from the field followed very closely by Seamus. They were in the auror headquarters a second later.

"Oh Yeah!" Seamus shouted as soon as they had materialised, throwing his hands up into the air in celebration. "Who're the two greatest aurors here? That's right it's us two!"

"Who'd you snag?" Terry Boot asked, glossing over Seamus's boasts with practised ease.

"Only the two people responsible for the permanent werewolf transformations." Seamus stated arrogantly. The pronouncement was followed by appreciative murmurs from the office.

"Fuck me! Was starting to think no one would ever get to the bottom of that one."

" _You_ never would."

"Well done, guys." Harry had emerged from his office and was gazing at the scene from his door. Harry caught Dean's eyes and nodded slightly. Dean couldn't help but puff up his chest slightly in pride, praise meant more from Harry than anyone else for some reason, and it was easy to hear the genuine pride in his tone. "I knew I could trust you guys on this one."

"Course you could, we're the best aurors here, you can trust us with any case." Seamus responded.

"I'm sure." Harry said sincerely. "So… details? How'd they do it? And how'd you guys find out?"

Dean flicked his wand at the criminals releasing them from their body bind but keeping them in chains. "Well? You guys heard Harry, you wanna do the explaining?"

The criminals, wisely, chose not to speak.

"Dissolved acromantula silk in wolfsbane potion. Kyrstovich here is the potions genius behind it while Mr. Chucklebuck provided him with a market for the illegal potions. It somehow binds a werewolf's organs when they transform leaving them unable to transform back into humans. The mind however does revert back to normal leaving the innocent," Alexei scoffed at this part, Seamus smacked him on the back of his head before nodding for Dean to continue, "human in the wolf's body. It was responsible for 15 deaths either through murder, suicide, or through the potion killing you in a slow, painful process that lasts two months."

"I thought it was 16 deaths." Harry said.

"No, the autopsy on one of the werewolves showed significant differences to the other and was eventually how we figured out how it worked."

"Excellent work. How did you know it was these two?"

"Jesus, you'll get it all in the bloody paperwork, won't you?"

"Seamus don't you…" Dean began in an attempt to reprimand Seamus.

"Nah, took us a bloody week to fucking catch these guys and he's gonna read all about it anyway, doesn't need to hear the long fucking story now. Not when we still have to complete all the paperwork before the end of the day and it's fucking Friday."

Harry chuckled. "Seamus is right Dean. I was just interested but as Seamus rightly pointed out I will be able to satiate my curiosity when I read your report."

"And it's Friday." Seamus felt he should stress.

"And it's Friday." Harry conceded. "I'm sure you would like your weekend to arrive as soon as possible. But brilliant work, guys, seriously. Oh, and does someone wanna take these two to the holding cells?" Harry concluded before retreating back to his office.

"So how'd you snag 'em?" Terry asked.

"Drunk Seamus routine at Ye Olde Man." Dean said with stifled laughter.

Terry let out a bark of a laugh. "Works every time. You just make such a convincing alcoholic bum, Seamus."

"Hey! I take offense at that tone, my dad was an alcoholic bum." Seamus responded eliciting laughter from everyone. "But seriously I do want to get wankered tonight, this was a bloody long assignment. C'mon Dean let's get this paperwork sorted and head to the leaky cauldron."

"Think I might just have a quiet one tonight, y'know relax after this week." Dean responded.

"Fuck off. You have to tonight we've earned it."

"C'mon I hate talking to Greengrass, it's always so awkward."

"That's what you're worried about? Tracy's on a date tonight, we're gonna have ourselves a boy's night out."

"Hmm alright." Dean relented as he sat down at his desk and picked up a quill.

* * *

Dean sat opposite Daphne at the bar. Seamus and Tracy had for a while only been preoccupied with the other leaving Dean and Daphne in an uncomfortable silence. Dean watched as a bead of condensation slowly slid down his glass before crashing to the table in the most anticlimactic end to a story Dean had ever witnessed.

"You know Seamus promised me tonight wouldn't end this way." Dean said unable to bear the awkwardness any longer before sipping his Jean Nunt Honnick.

"I'm not thrilled either."

"Why do you have to do this?" Dean slurred. "It's not my fault our best friends are in love but won't admit it even to themselves. You won't even drink with me will you?"

Daphne gave no response.

"I get that healers aren't allowed to drink if they're on call..."

"I'm not on call." Daphne stated and then seemed to instantly regret it.

Dean smirked. "Sounds like someone wants me to buy her a drink. Hannah!"

"No I'm not drinking."

"Come on we always have such a shitty time and our friends are obviously gonna end up married or something. I get keeping your distance at first but after a hundred nights like this admit we're gonna have to become friends."

"Why does that mean we should get drunk?"

"Well we can't seem to stand each other sober."

Daphne laughed at this. Dean almost shook his head in disbelief.

"Is that a yes?"

"Alright I'll have a Jean Nunt Honnick too."

"You hear that Hannah?" Dean turned around but the leaky cauldron's barmaid was nowhere to be seen. Daphne giggled.

...

An hour later and Daphne could still be heard giggling inside the leaky cauldron, Tracy and Seamus had long since slunk away to one of their houses.

"...right so Harry's only able to speak gobbledegook at this point and this centaur looks at him in outrage, obviously he's offended by that. Just as he's looking like he's about to attack or something the White horse leapt onto Harry from out of nowhere as if protecting him or something."

"Oh my god!" Daphne snorted and some of her drink poured out from her nose as she laughed vociferously. "I forgot about the horse."

"So had we!" Dean almost shouted.

Both laughed for what seemed like eternity before Daphne had to ask the question burning her "how did you all get out of this?"

"The centaur backed down when the horse arrived, probably in shock or something, but after that no one knows except Harry. You'll find that happens a lot around him. My guess is he managed to resolve it all just by speaking to the centaurs and the goblins. Everyone respects him enough to hear him out. But coulda been an insane fight or a love potion surreptitiously placed, who knows."

"Yeah s'pose you're probably right. Only Harry Potter... Must be interesting to be an auror."

"... Yeah" Dean sighed wistfully.

"You don't like being an auror?"

"Parts of it I love I just... I feel like I stumbled into this profession after the war. It was like a way out of Hogwarts and to see if I really could fit in to the magical world."

"So you became an auror just after the war?"

"Yeah as part of the deal to members of Dumbledore's army. It seemed amazing at the time, only 6 years of school under my belt yet a great job straight away, but I always felt it was only supposed to be temporary."

"And you want to get out while you're still alive?"

"Oh I have no problem with the jobs mortality rate, I just always thought I'd do something artistic, like write a book. I'd love to take a sabbatical or something and write a book."

"Well now this just sounds like drunken ramblings."

"Probably. Not sure I could look Harry in the eyes and tell him I want to quit anyway, at least not so soon after Ron left the corps as well. But anyway what's being a healer like. I always imagined it being the worst job ever, but with enormous job satisfaction?"

"Funny that's how I imagined the auror profession."

"No you actually contribute to society and make it better. We just take those who attempt to ruin society and take them out of it. But really the ministry would be better if it worked on preventing the existence of criminals through means other than fear of aurors, which they seem to rely on too much."

"What do you mean?"

"The threat of Azkaban does not prevent crime; it just makes those in an unfortunate enough position that they want to take up dark magic even worse off. If these criminals were fully actualised human beings they wouldn't commit this stuff in the first place. The ministry does not do enough to help these wizards and not only does it make my job more difficult, it makes it necessary."

"Your job is still necessary."

"Only in an imperfect world."

"You could say the same about healing, in a perfect world nobody would need it."

"Maybe I should rephrase, my job is only necessary in an imperfect society."

Daphne tilted her head to the side and hummed thoughtfully. "I guess I never thought about it that way. Who knew a Gryffindor could have such philosophical tendencies?"

"Haha." Dean laughed sarcastically. "Though I am sorry for dumping my disillusionment with my job onto you, especially after I asked about healing."

"Don't worry I thought your views were fascinating. And healing really isn't, it's exactly as you'd expect."

"I bet you meet some interesting people."

"You'd be surprised at how uninteresting some of the magical community are, it's really only occasionally that you deal with the weirdos. But obviously when you go to St Mungos the eyes are immediately drawn to the weirdest case, but there's like 3 of those a day an a hundred healers, you do the math."

"But you still enjoy it, right?"

"Oh definitely, there's nothing else I'd consider doing." Daphne said with a smile.

"You know you're much prettier when you smile. Why the fuck have we not been hanging out like this the whole time?"

"Because we're idiots, or naturally introverted, or from opposing houses, or we had preconceptions or..."

"Face it we're idiots." Dean interrupted.

"Supreme idiots."

"Hannah! Another round for the supreme idiots." Both Daphne and Dean almost seemed to collapse in laughter again.

"Did you mean what you said before by the way." Dean looked at Daphne in confusion. "You know, about being pretty when I smile." Daphne put on a beatific smile after saying this.

"Didn't think you were the type to fish for compliments."

"I'm not it's just that you're too much of a pussy to kiss me so I felt you needed an even bigger hint."

"Hey! I..." Dean balked in response at first before fully registering what Daphne had said at which point he pulled her in for a passionate kiss leaving them ignorant of the two additional Jean Nunt Honnicks Hannah placed in front of them.

* * *

Dean woke up in a magnificent four poster bed reminiscent of his bed at Hogwarts but this had purple and silver hangings as opposed to the red and gold of his adolescence. The glances around the room Dean gave furtively revealed a room of exuberance yet understatement simultaneously. Despite the nausea in his stomach and the pain in his head from yesterday's overindulgence Dean couldn't help but smile.

He could hear the tap running next door in what was obviously the en-suite toilet so he sauntered over to it.

"Last night was brilliant." He said loud enough to be heard in the next room.

Almost instantly the tap seemed to stop running and the sound of the last vestiges of water flowing down the drain was accompanied by the opening of the bathroom door to reveal Daphne Greengrass. Wearing only a silvery silk nightgown and with her dark hair messy for the first time Dean could remember and cascading down around her body, it was the most beautiful she had ever appeared to Dean.

"Last night was..." Daphne looked at dean and faltered slightly. "Brilliant, yes, but a brilliant mistake."

"Only if you let it be." Dean answered.

"No I've had time to think about it," Dean scoffed at this, "and I think last night was just... just because I turn 30 next week."

"That's a lie." Dean said.

"Why would I lie about that?"

"Not about the age, I know that's true we were in the same year. I mean you're too well adjusted to care about that crap."

"Well thanks but how do you know I don't just hide my insecurities and they come to the surface when I drink?"

"Look, I'm good at reading people, it comes with my job. I think other things came to the surface when you were drunk and you're too afraid to admit it."

"Come on do you really think this will go anywhere? You said yourself we can't stand each other sober, I think you were right."

"No we were just guarded before, but now after... last night... Surely our guards are broken down now. Don't pretend I was the only one who felt a deep connection last night. As for our future, the furthest I'm thinking is breakfast today. I know that we both have the day off, let's grab some hangover potions and have breakfast someplace."

"I left a hangover potion for you on the nightstand actually."

Dean turned around and noticed that there was indeed a potion left for him by his wand.

"Thanks, that was a sweet gesture." He said as he walked back to the bed and downed his potion. "So, breakfast?"

"OK, yeah, that'd be nice I guess. Let's go to..."

"Daphne?" A voice called from below.

"Shit!" Daphne said. "Sorry, Dean, let's catch up another time for now you really need to go." Daphne ran around her room picking Dean's clothes up and chucking them at him. "You can apparate from this room, in fact I'd be thankful if you did."

"You're chucking me out, who's downstairs?"

"My sister, she must've flooed here, I wasn't expecting her, I'm genuinely sorry."

"I don't get why this means I have to leave." Dean said confused as he hugged his clothes to his waist.

"Look it's just."

"Daphne, are you there? I'm here with Draco and Scorpius." Came the voice from downstairs.

"Fuck." Daphne said almost in resignation.

"Draco? As in Draco Malfoy? I'm being forced to leave for Draco fucking Malfoy?" Dean ranted.

"Shhh I'm really really sorry but it's just easier for everyone if he doesn't find out I was with a..."

"A what? A mudblood?"

"Well, I mean, it's not the choice of words I'd use but essentially yes. You're not exactly looking for a confrontation today are you?"

"Well certainly not with him over this."

"Exactly, I'd rather kick them out but..."

"No, I get it, you can't kick your sister and nephew out it's just..."

"I know, I'm really sorry. But I'll owe you breakfast." Daphne said as Dean finally smiled.

"Make it dinner tonight."

"Deal."

"Daphne?" The voice was right outside the door now.

Daphne looked frantically to Dean who threw her a smirk and a wink before turning on the spot and disapparating back to his apartment.

* * *

Around midday Dean could be found walking down a London road that seemed to scream autumn. It had trees running down the entire road each resplendent with red or gold leaves. Any pedestrian instantly felt warmer after having walked onto the road. Dean strolled lazily on the pavement, he had forgotten the door number, as always, but one of the houses appeared to hum and vibrate to Dean giving away his destination.

He knocked on the door thrice and waited, leaning on one leg, the other was crossed over and he was tapping his foot. A loud bang issued from inside followed by a loud whirring.

"Fuck!" Came a shout from inside.

"Language." A reprimanding voice issued back.

"What the fuck do you care about what fucking language I fucking choose to use? I mean what gives you the right anyway you cunt?"

"You're right, boss, sorry, you sound so sophisticated."

"I was being ironic you fucker."

"Well obviously you started swearing loads because of what I said but that doesn't make you sound like less of an arsehole."

The whirring finally stopped but it seemed the ears of the occupants were still ringing because Dean could still hear their voices quite clearly.

"Look do you always have to be so fucking confrontational? I have a door to answer why don't you go find some string or something."

The door finally opened to reveal the most eccentric person Dean knew, and he had once dated Luna Lovegood. What was it about the Ravenclaws that Dean got on with? Anthony Goldstein was wearing light brown loafers that were so tattered his right sock was visible. He wore tartan trousers that ended above his ankles. The sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up to his elbow and he wore a brown waistcoat over it to complete the look. His spectacles hung lopsidedly from one ear and were perched right on the edge of his nose.

"It always amazes me that a fellow mudblood dresses worst than most wizards." Dean began.

"You do realise this is a muggle neighbourhood right?" Anthony said looking up and down the street.

"If they live next to you and don't see anything out of the ordinary I doubt a little conversation will enlighten them."

"What is it about me today? Why is everybody arguing with me? You know what don't answer that just come in."

Dean followed Anthony into one of the messiest rooms he had ever been in. Magical gadgets spun and bounced across the room in every direction one could look.

"Excuse the mess, but you know Anthony." Came the haughty voice from a hare that was perched on the desk.

"Without me you wouldn't have such intelligence or self awareness so no more insults, got it?" Anthony instructed.

"You ever hear of the term ignorance is bliss. You took that away from me. I'll never achieve that level of ignorance again."

"Just say the word and I'll turn you back into an ordinary hare if you want."

"You don't know how."

"I'll admit getting you to talk was a happy mistake but I'm sure I could reverse it."

"I'd rather not take that chance."

"Then quit complaining."

The whole time Dean was surveying the scene in amusement. But he had come here for a reason.

"So, magical inventor extraordinaire, can I see the project, and how close is it to being done?"

"The project?" Anthony said but instantly seemed to realise what Dean meant. "Right right the project of course the project. Through here, through here." Anthony said leading Dean to his kitchen.

If the living room was odd, awash with whacky inventions, then the kitchen was even weirder, every corner seemed packed with activity as Anthony's various products danced with life. In the middle, on the table, sat two pensieves.

"I'm still having some trouble but it's coming along rather nicely, we should be ready in a couple months."

"A couple months, I'm not sure I'll be able to finish my end of that in that time."

"What is the project with Dean again?" The hare asked as he bounced into the room.

"Magical movies." Anthony responded.

"I thought we were calling it wizard cinema." Dean offered.

"Well it doesn't really matter. Basically we're going to use pensieves to tell stories in the same way a cinema would except with even greater immersion. I asked Dean to do all of the art because obviously we're not hiring actors for this and Dean is the best artist I know."

"The first films we're making are 7 wizard versions of the story of Harry Potter. I draw the characters and sets and Anthony works out how to get it all flowing and working. But finishing Hogwarts may take more than a couple months."

"Well it's not a problem what you gave me already is more than enough to tell this story."

"Coming from the person who stressed to me the importance of perfection in this effort."

"Well I just wanted your best, not necessarily perfection." Anthony explained.

"Great so everything is good on this front so far, nothing bad to report?" Dean inquired.

"Not at all, it's like I said we'll be done in a couple months."

"Ok well there's something else I wanted to ask."

"Fire away."

"I was thinking maybe I could write a film and we could make that for this invention as well?" Dean asked.

Anthony hummed thoughtfully. "You did translate the books about Harry excellently for film, better even than the muggles whose job it is in my opinion. And you do have that storytelling flair. Yes!" Anthony suddenly shouted after having muttered the rest. "What a brilliant idea. But don't your auror duties take up too much time?"

"I'm hoping to take some time off soon." Dean uttered unconvincingly.

"Yes, yes. Makes sense every auror needs a break and you'll have something productive to do during yours." Anthony responded.

"Exactly."

* * *

Around the same time as this Seamus was only now groggily approaching consciousness. He groaned as his hangover hit him in full force. He sat up at great pain to himself and blearily rubbed his eyes, as if adjusting the focus of a lens. He looked next to him and sure enough Tracy was there still in a deep sleep. Her curly brown hair was all over the place as if an artist had taken some brown paint and just went nuts on Seamus's duvet. He groaned again as he stood up and made his way downstairs to make breakfast.

He turned the oven on and began cooking knowing the smell would get Tracy to come downstairs soon. He fumbled around his cupboards for the hangover cures he kept stacked in his home. He downed one and left the other open on the table.

"Mmm what smells delicious?" Tracy asked as she strolled into the room and downed the hangover cure herself.

"Pancakes and bacon." Seamus responded.

"Pancakes and...? Thought you were Irish not a yank. Where's my full English?"

"It's just what I had a craving for this morning. Be thankful you're getting anything. 'Where's my full English?' How ungrateful can you get? And don't worry it's not too American, I've kept the pancakes thin, more like crepes if anything."

"Mmm you're so sexy when you're indignant honey, let's have a quickie this morning." Tracy said ravenously.

"A quickie? We both have the _whole_ day off, don't we?"

Tracy growled seductively.

"You know I've been thinking, Tracy." Seamus said as he sat down at the kitchen table as well and placed a plate of food in front of each of them. "I... I fucking love you. And I think I intend to marry you. But that's way in the future though. But I don't wanna play this game anymore. Y'know pretending not to care when you tell me you're with another guy or me pretending I'm with another girl, I wanna be exclusive."

"Why wait?" Was Tracy's response to the first heartfelt thing her lover had said to her in the year they'd been playing games.

"Huh?" Seamus asked.

"Well I fucking love you too, as hard as it is to believe. Why did you say in the future? Let's just be engaged now." Tracy said.

Seamus was struck dumb, he had prepared himself so much for rejection to be confronted with the opposite perplexed him for a moment.

"Are... Are you serious?" Seamus stuttered.

"Would I joke about something like this?" Tracy asked.

Seamus stared at his lover (or was it fiancée now?) in amazement.

"Well that's an unconventional proposal we went through." Seamus said finally.

"Have we ever done anything by convention?"

"Guess not. So we're engaged now?"

"Yeah" Tracy said with a beautiful smile.

"Blimey," Seamus uttered. "Well guess that's today sorted now. I'll go and buy a ring and then we'll go get dinner, someplace swanky or something and I'll give you it then. But first..." Seamus finished and gave Tracy a poignant look.

"But first?"

"A quickie?"

Tracy growled and practically leapt across the table towards Seamus. And they made love, though certainly not quickly, besides what would forever only be half-eaten plates of pancakes and bacon.

* * *

Dean was in his room just finishing up the note he had written when a magnificent fox patronus appeared in front of him.

"Hogsmeade. Now!" It said in a familiar Irish accent. Dean thought it weird that such a message had no tone of urgency, but rather a demanding quality. The patronus faded into nothing as quickly as it had appeared.

"Err, Fawkes?" Dean asked to no one.

In a brilliant flash of fire a beautiful Phoenix appeared in front of dean.

"Hey Fawkes. Erm could you take this to Harry? Wait." Dean said and Fawkes seemed to click his beak impatiently, must be in the adolescence of his flame cycle, Dean thought. "Just let me, err, finish it, sorry, Fawkes."

Dean hastily scribbled a best wishes and his name on the end of the letter and gestured to Fawkes he had finished. How was it a Phoenix could make dean such a spluttering mess when no human could? Fawkes grabbed the letter before disappearing in a flash of fire.

Dean flicked his wand to his wardrobe and span into the robe that came flying towards him and simultaneously apparated to the three broomsticks. His impressed feeling at the smoothness of such an action, even if it was his own, was short lived as his collar was almost instantly grabbed.

"What took you so bloody long?" Seamus said into his ear as he, weirdly, pulled Dean away from the three broomsticks. "I've been fucking fretting and worrying here and you decide to take your time even though I stressed to come now. I mean what kind've fucking friend hears such an urgent message and decides to dilly dally doing fuck knows what. How inconsiderate a friend can you..."

"Look." Dean said wrenching himself from Seamus's grip and wheeling to face him. "I was like twenty seconds, just calm down and explain what's going on."

"Me and Tracy are engaged." Seamus declared.

"What!" Dean said. "I mean, sorry I was just shocked, congratulations."

Seamus laughed. "Fucking, so am I. But I haven't got a ring yet. Need your help cause you've got a good eye for that crap, also I wanted to tell you first."

"You didn't have a ring? Wait tell me the story."

Seamus relayed to Dean the events of his morning and Dean laughed.

"That's so typical of you guys. So have you decided on a best man?"

"Dude, that fucking goes without saying doesn't it?"

Dean and Seamus looked at each other for a moment before embracing in quick hug. They pulled apart and dusted themselves off. Both had many things that they'd left unsaid but hoped the other would understand.

"So let's get this ring then." Dean said enthusiastically.

"Ugh, you're the best."

"Yeah we just established that didn't we?"

"Oh and sorry."

"What for?"

"Well y'know, I know you and Daphne don't get on and stuff."

Dean almost laughed. "Oh I wouldn't, erm, worry about that anymore."

"Oh? How come?"

"Well last night we… erm."

"Oh my god you fucked, didn't you? I don't believe you after all your complaining now this."

"I know I know, and I actually convinced her to have dinner with me tonight."

"Blimey how'd all this happen?"

"Well she wasn't on call or anything and had today off as well so I convinced her to have a drink with me. And with our guards down we discovered a connection of..."

"Argh not your bloody connections a-fucking-gain!"

"What? We did connect."

"Ugh I'm not gonna have to listen to you pine after another girl for the next ten years am I?"

"Like who?"

"Ginny, Susan, Parvati's twin, that one muggle chick that one time and loony fucking Lovegood."

"When have I ever pined after Ginny?"

"Harry's so lucky to have such a happy family, that's what I want Seamus, a loving wife and beautiful kids, Harry's got it sorted.'"

"That wasn't about Ginny just the being married and starting a family. And if we're going to quote what the other says when drunk it's not an argument you'll win."

By this point Seamus and Dean had made it to Beaufort Jewellers but rather than enter the store they appeared to ignore it entirely in favour of their conversation.

"Fine I'll knock Ginny off the list." Seamus relented. "But get a couple drinks in you and you do go on and on."

"So women are my weakness, but it's normal to pine after lost love. I'll give you the muggle chick but that's just a what could've been type deal, it's not like I pine after her."

"No you don't I guess, and she was hella attractive, like I've never been more blown away. Nah you do deserve to relive that conquest as many times as you want. Still that leaves Susan, Luna and... Padma that's her name, thank god that coulda bugged me all day."

"Alright well I'll try to cut down the pining."

"Don't be ridiculous I'm your best friend you're s'posed to pine to me."

"Then why even mention it?"

"Well as your best friend I also have the right to point out your annoying habits, though only ever to your face."

"Yeah guess I always complain about you're lack of filter around other people, but I don't actually want you to change. That's real friendship."

"Precisely. So you banged Greengrass after discovering a connection?"

"Pretty much."

"You're such a girl. Bet you've already decided to be exclusively Daphne's for the next year, even though last night will be your only night together."

"Better than pretending to be in an open relationship for a year."

"You got me there you bastard."

"Alright enough of trading insults that we've been using for the past like 10 years let's go get this ring."

"Right." Seamus agreed.

Seamus and Dean finally walked into the jewellery store and almost instantly both Dean and Seamus were drawn to the same bracelet.

"You think?" Seamus asked dean in a whisper.

"Definitely." Dean responded. "Excuse me," Dean called to the owner of the shop, "where did you get this bracelet?"

"I made it myself, as I did with everything in this shop." The owner, Mr. Beaufort, responded.

Dean and Seamus shared eye contact.

"So it was you that imbibed this bracelet with dark magic?" Dean asked.

"D... Dark magic? What kind of accusation is that?"

"The kind of accusation that comes from a combined 24 years of experience as aurors." Seamus responded.

"OK, look, you got me, I don't make every single item here, but I promise you it would never be on display, heck I'd never have bought it, had I known."

"A little trick about dealing with aurors, if we'd have thought you'd made it yourself we'd have asked how you made it, not where you got it." Dean said and the shopkeeper silently let out a deep breath of relief. "But you still haven't answered our first question."

"I got it abroad. Sometimes I travel to mainland Europe because my Hogsmeade originals are worth even more over there and I buy rare items I doubt my customers will recognise to resell here. Happy?"

"Have they stopped checking for dark artefacts at international portkey locations?" Seamus queried.

"I wouldn't know I use muggle forms of travel."

"Now why on earth would you do that?"

"It's nothing to do with smuggling dark jewellery back here, I just don't want anyone in the magical community to see me bring back foreign jewellery as it may hurt the integrity of the store."

"Can you see why we might be suspicious of you?" Dean questioned.

"Yes but I swear I never..."

"Don't worry, we believe your story and intentions."

"Yeah, we're the best aurors around, we know when someone is telling the truth or not."

"But perhaps, in the future, you might be more considerate and cut down on the suspicious activity."

"And obviously it's not in our job as aurors but customers can sue over this if they find out."

"I'm aware of that. I just never thought I'd have aurors come here and interrogate me about selling dark products, I really am regretful." Something about the tone in which this was said made Dean feel uneasy but he chose to ignore it for now. Maybe it was just that the person in front of him had openly declared a lack of care for his customers. "Could you tell me how you knew there was dark magic in this?"

"Dark objects usually have a specific...a..." Seamus started.

"Signature?" Dean offered.

"Signature, yes! You just get me don't you, man? Anyway yeah to aurors that signature is like a beacon, like a flashing light."

"Are there any spells you could give me to check for this in the future?"

"I would say to just use international portkeys and tell them the truth about how you acquire any dark artefact and all they will do is confiscate and destroy it. You'd have to change your sign and admit you don't make all of the stuff in here, but that's the right thing to do is it not?" Dean said. "Or you could do as advertised and only sell products you make, those are just my two cents."

"Hey I never thought of that. And here I was about to tell him the spell. Yeah just stop with the dishonesty and you won't have a problem, you might just make a little less money." Seamus said. "Anyway, we're gonna take this bracelet and destroy it, and can we see your engagement rings?"

"Seamus." Dean said shaking his head. Was it not clear that this was not the best shop to procure jewellery?

"Here's my finest selection of rings." The shopkeeper said as he procured a magnificent display of shiny rings. "Take any you want, free of charge, as thanks for your brave service and my wish for your successful marriage."

"Another little trick about aurors," Dean said, "we don't respond favourably to bribes."

"Yeah, maybe you wouldn't understand, but we actually take offence when someone doubts our integrity." Seamus added.

"I'm sorry, I'd rather you pay, they're..."

"Sorry not today. We'll be taking the bracelet though. How much was it?" Seamus said

"25 galleons."

"No," Dean said, "how much did you pay for it?"

"5 galleons." The shopkeeper said dejectedly.

Dean threw 5 galleons down on the counter. "Is this acceptable?" He asked.

"Definitely, I thought you would just take it."

"Unfortunately that would be an abuse of our power that is punishable," Seamus said. "But an agreed for price could be considered a consumer interaction, so given we're off duty and you haven't actually done anything wrong we're forced to pay if we want to destroy it."

"And I think we can all agree 5 galleons is more than fair for something we're going to destroy."

"Yes, it is fair. I'm sorry for your experience in this store today I hope it won't tarnish your view of the store and that you will return."

Dean and Seamus nodded their heads towards the shopkeeper, unable to think of a suitable response. Dean held up the bracelet and Seamus muttered a complex incantation under his breath. The bracelet seemed to shriek as it was engulfed in black and then white flames, or perhaps that was just part of the spell, before falling to the floor as ash. Seamus and Dean departed the store without another word to the now miserable Mr. Beaufort. Once they'd left Seamus and Dean both turned to each other.

"Diagon alley?" Dean offered.

"Diagon alley." Seamus confirmed.

* * *

Seamus made his way through the bustling department of magical law enforcement with practiced ease. He almost, by instinct, headed to the auror corps, but he actually had a different destination today. He found a large ornate door belonging to the pioneer of cooperation between wizards and magical creatures and knocked hesitantly. Even though it was someone who he had known for a long time he still found them intimidating.

Rather than a shouted 'come in' the occupant of the room made their way, themselves, to the door as if they knew just how intimidating their office could be and hoped to be more welcoming. The door opened to reveal a smiling but slightly flustered Hermione.

"Hello Seamus." She greeted pleasantly.

"Hey Hermione, this ain't a bad time, is it?"

"Oh don't worry, it's never a bad time for a friend." She said nicely.

"Can't believe they have you working on a Saturday, you do way more than enough for this place already."

"Well thanks Seamus, I agree with you there but I worry this place would fall apart without me."

"Oh that's true, without you this ministry would be in tatters." Seamus added.

"I was just talking about my department." Hermione said.

"Then you're being modest." Seamus complimented.

"Well thank you Seamus, that does mean a lot. I hope you're not just buttering me up for a big favour though?" Hermione pressed.

"Erm, well sorta, except it's not that big at all. But it is kinda embarrassing I guess and well, I just thought of you when this problem came up and..."

"Seamus, I do like to make time for friends but I'd appreciate those friends not wasting it." Hermione interjected.

"Right, sorry." Seamus said. "I bought this muggle engagement ring and I was hoping you could enchant it for me?" Seamus requested.

"You're proposing, oh congratulations Seamus," Hermione said with genuine enthusiasm, "but why did you buy muggle if you wanted it enchanted?"

"Well I'd asked Dean to help," Hermione unsuccessfully tried to hide a snort at this, "and I just let him take the reigns."

"Ok well just leave me the ring and a list of things about Tracy - you know, favourite colour, animal things like that, maybe something shared and personal too, oh and the size the ring needs to be because you might not be able to adjust it once I'm done, hopefully I'll fit it with a perfect fit charm but it may depend on how you want it altered - and I'll have it back to you by...?"

"Well we kinda got engaged spontaneously this morning and I said I'd have a ring by dinner so 7 o'clock?" Seamus said. "oh and here's the ring can I send you the list in a minute once I can write it out."

"Ok well that's everything I think."

"Yes it is, except, thank you, and I mean that profusely, I honestly don't know how Ron managed something like this without your help, bet Harry and Neville came to you as well."

Hermione laughed. "You're always welcome and your guesses are... accurate."

Seamus laughed too before offering a goodbye wave and leaving.

* * *

Dean walked along Grimmauld place nervously, he was still unsure of exactly what he wanted but a conversation with Harry would hopefully help him to figure it out. He approached number 12, and he always felt better knowing that he didn't need a note for the building to appear, and knocked on the door thrice.

"Dean!" James burst out enthusiastically upon opening the door.

"'Sup you rascal?"

"Dean, Dean. Look at this drawing I did." James was nearly shouting as he pulled Dean through the house into the kitchen. "Albus is still only doing squiggles but my drawings look kinda real." James gloated.

"Hi Dean." Ginny called out as she gazed upon her ex and her child in amusement. "James let Dean go for now he has work to discuss with dad."

James groaned in disappointment. "Don't worry I'll come look at yours and Albus's drawings when I'm done."

"Albus's isn't even worth looking at." James muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" Ginny asked of her son angrily.

"Nothing I swear."

Ginny hummed disbelievingly but shot Dean an amused look that he returned before he made his way upstairs. "Come in," Harry called just before Dean knocked on his door. Dean chuckled and shook his head.

"We shared a room at the age of 11." Dean said to Harry as he walked in. "Your theatrics might mystify some, but not me."

"Meh, I bet you're still wondering how I did it though," Harry argued back with a smile.

"But it's nothing more than mild curiosity, not the doe-eyed wonder you usually incur."

"And you think I bring that doe-eyed wonder on myself?" Harry questioned as Dean closed the door to Harry's office and sat down across from him.

"Oh you love it when those beautiful witches fawn over you: 'oh Harry, you're so amazing and brave and courageous, how did you become so great?'"

"Don't pretend you don't love revelling in the reflected adulation as a friend of mine." Harry retorted.

"I like to think that was being a member of Dumbledore's army rather than being your friend."

"And I like to think people are more interested in my personality than my scar."

"Some people are." Dean said with a sudden sentimentality creeping into his tone.

"I love how you can go from insulting to complimentary in a second with barely a change in tone."

"It's part of my charm. Or I've just spent too much time around Seamus."

"Certainly. So what did you want to talk about? This something about work?"

"Sort of." Dean began. "I err... Well you know that thing me and Anthony have been working on?"

"The magical movies about my life?" Harry asked with a smirk.

"Precisely. Well Anthony seems to think the thing will be done in a couple months."

"That's great! But what does this have to do with work?"

"Well I want to write my own movie, I've started it and made all the characters and I have quite a lot of sets done already,"

"Can I just say your Hogwarts is my favourite piece of art of all time."

"Is that supposed to be a slight against me?" Came Dumbledore's voice from his portrait on the wall.

"You know what I meant, Albus." Harry replied.

"Yes I just found that amusing." Dumbledore said.

"Thanks, it's still not finished but it's a long project." Dean said.

"Yes and every bit of time you put into it has been worth it in my opinion."

"Well I'm glad you think so because I was sort of hoping for some time off to really focus on this and..."

Dean was stopped when Harry held up his hand. Harry looked about to say something but then paused and instead gave Dean a penetrating stare, Dean unflinchingly looked into Harry's brilliant emerald orbs hoping to portray himself as an open book to Harry.

"You don't want to be an auror anymore?" Harry asked.

"I... I don't know."

"But you think this will help you find out?"

"I don't know I just think I need a change of pace."

"I understand. I don't think I want to be an auror forever. I think my dream profession would be defence against the dark arts teacher at Hogwarts. But as crazy as it sounds to us raised by muggles being a teacher would mean not coming home to the family, I'm going to wait 'til my children are of age."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm not sure, but it does seem as though we all just fell into this profession doesn't it?"

"That's the way I've been feeling of late."

"This hasn't just been brought on by Seamus's engagement?"

"How did you kn - no I don't want to encourage you - no this isn't to do with Seamus."

"But every time you've cracked a case you seem to get a light in your eyes, I can see you love it. Nobody chooses an auror as a permanent career but to give up on it now? Surely you have at _least_ a dozen more years left in you?"

"But this might be my chance to find the perfect profession. Already I've loved working on the project."

"I really don't want to lose you though and it's clear you're not sure yourself. Tell you what let's make a bet."

"Argh no I've lost enough money to you, whatever it is I say no."

"Not for money. Just hear me out. Next week you'll only have to work half your hours and if you only work half your hours you'll get a full weeks pay and time off until the wizard cinema has been released. If the case I give you is so fun that you choose to work more than half of your weekly hours you will continue being an auror and you'll have to take a student."

"A student? Who?"

"You'll find out at the end of next week, or will you?"

"Fine, I accept."

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

 **Hello readers. I've had loads of ideas for HP fanfic but this one seemed to stick with me a lot more than any others and also came to me with greater clarity. Obviously Dean is going to lose the bet as I'm hoping this will eventually resemble a detective story, or a detective series, but set in the magical world. The student I will leave a mystery though I don't think it will be hard to guess and I'm hoping the eventual dynamic will be Dean, Seamus and the mystery student interacting and solving magical mysteries, just not the first one. I felt it was good to establish the Dean and Seamus bond and some of the extraneous characters before revealing the third wheel of this trike of a story. Anyway I wanted my notes section on this story to feel a bit like Pottermore in which I give the reader greater insight into my creative process and I guess I'm just testing the waters and seeing if you guys like it.**

 **Ye Olde Man and Scythe: It took me a while to settle on a name and when I wrote the original draft I called it Knockturn Inn as a placeholder. This name is actually from a pub in Bolton that came into existence in 1251 (one of the 10 oldest pubs in Britain) and the name is based on the Pilkington coat of arms. Pilkington is now the name of an old pureblood family, though I would say the name is extinct now, I doubt the proprieters of a Knockturn Alley pub would allow muggle and muggleborns onto their family tree and would instead die out (and they are not part of the sacred 28). However I realise none of this would've been apparent to the reader but Ye Olde Man and Scythe is also a very Harry Potter-y name anyway I feel. I thought I'd assemble a list for you guys of other names I considered, a top 5:  
5\. The Saruman  
4\. The Thestral's Head  
3\. Cloak and Wand  
2\. T** ** **í** r na n** ** **Ó** g - I thought it would be cool to have an Irish name. This would further enhance the beginning of the story as the reader might assume Seamus had ties to the pub rather than being there on auror duty. I also thought Knockturn Alley might not have always been a hub of dark magic but maybe just anti-ministry sentiment and this pub would've been a place for magical Irish revolutionaries to gather, but of course it had been warped by the evolution of Knockturn Alley to what we know of it in the books. This name means Land of the Young and in Irish mythology refers to the Otherworld. This is also the name of a real pub. However I felt none of this would have been immediately apparent to the reader so I opted for something else and unlike Ye Olde Man and Scythe doesn't immediately conjure wizarding imagery.  
1\. The Old Crow ;)**

 **Jean Nunt Honnick - Didn't take much consideration when coming up with this name, read Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy if you would like to understand it. In fact there are many reasons you should read that book, it's amazing.**

 **I didn't construct any massive backstory for Franco Chucklebuck or Alexei Kyrstovich nor did I think about their names all that much but I think, or hope, they sound Harry Potter-y enough.**

 **You'll notice that I never (besides a throwaway comment) mention the Gryffindor/Slytherin feud. That was a conscious choice and the reason I chose Daphne and Tracey as the love interests, I wanted to show that now they have grown up that the houses have very little baring on their lives at all anymore.**

 **That story with the horse and the centaur and gobbledygook has no context, I thought of nothing and just wrote a random end to a story. I felt it was actually not needed at all but giving a glimpse into a ridiculous scenario would be even more rewarding for the reader who could imagine whatever they wanted.**

 **Anthony Goldstein was chosen because of his name. Recently I believe JK Rowling was asked on Twitter why there were no Jewish wizards or witches at Hogwarts and Rowling cited this character in her defense. Frankly, as an avid Harry Potter fan, I never needed this, I'd always just assumed Goldstein was a Jew but I can understand why perhaps someone who had only seen the films would be under this impression. I always felt a kinship with the character who was a British, Jewish, Ravenclaw (which is exactly how I introduce myself to new people) who has no lines despite being a member of Dumbledore's army (an introvert in other words). So I wanted to put him in the spotlight. I actually thought of another story where Harry moves to Grimmauld place after his third year as Dumbledore realised there would be more love in that household and being in Islington (where I grew up) he would bump into Anthony Goldstein and become friends. Anthony would then try and get him to consider alchemy (and I wanted to write a love triangle between Ron, Anthony and Hermione) as an elective as it's only given on request and Anthony figures he could get Dumbledore to agree to the class if Harry suggests it and then I could go into what I would imagine you'd learn in alchemy and it would help him in Triwizard blah blah blah. Sorry that's another story. Probably shouldn't say more as I may still write that story. Anyway I thought a magical inventor was a cool profession so I gave it to him. The eccentric personality and style of dress are of course not taken from me but I felt gave a nice flavour to the character.**

 **The talking hare was originally a talking owl reminiscent of Archimedes in Sword in the Stone. I never intended to use an owl but like Knockturn Inn it was used as a placeholder. I chose hare because I made Anthony a muggleborn and rabbits are connected to muggle wizards. However hare just gave it greater visual comedy in my mind because of the upturned ears, and in the future I expect the stories to get darker (we're following aurors what did you expect?) and Anthony's scenes will likely act as a comic relief throughout this story to juxtapose some of the darker material. For those of you wondering the hare's name is Euclid.**

 **With both Dumbledore and Hedwig no longer in the picture I felt having Fawkes and Harry come together felt a natural progression. I know Fawkes supposedly died with Dumbledore but as it's a phoenix we can ignore that. I doubt I'm the only one to do this in a story but can't remember any examples from other fanfic so I apologise for not mentioning them.**

 **Beaufort - This is the name of a castle in Scotland. It, traditionally, is the seat of the Lords Lovat. Some of you may have heard of one of them, Simon Fraser, who was tried for treason against the crown (won't go into details :P) and was the last person in Britain to be publicly beheaded. None of that has anything to do with my new Harry Potter mythology I just thought it was interesting and so I chose the name Beaufort. Another interesting fact, just before he was executed some scaffolding for spectators collapsed causing the deaths of twenty people, to the amusement of Simon Fraser. This is where the phrase laughing your head off originates. Actually I just chose it because of the castle but I thought you might like some interesting historical facts as well for some extra glisten. Anyway I imagine the Beauforts to be a long line of wizard jewellers, but obviously not opposed to having muggles on the family tree, again because it is not a name that is part of the Sacred 28. Maybe the original Mr. Beaufort, or not the original but the one who built the castle, also placed a curse on the Lords who would be seated there.  
**

 **I also came up with some laws regarding dark artefacts that I was originally going to have Dean and Seamus explain to the shopkeeper but I just couldn't write it naturally so I figured I'd try and explain it here instead. Basically it's illegal to own dark artefacts but there are some caveats. Licenses can be applied for as long as the artefact is never used on somebody else. Licenses can be passed down in a will along with an object. Old families (like the Malfoys) would justify their collection of dark objects by labelling them family heirlooms only ever for decoration in their mansions and nothing else. Borgin & Burkes are considered experts in this field and are allowed to handle and keep any dark artefact. It is always illegal to sell it without the ministry being aware and being able to issue or change the license. It is also considered illegal to make dark objects, so (theoretically) there are no more dark objects entering the market. The idea is that the Ministry knows where all of these artefacts are so if they are used the owner of the license will be sent to Azkaban immediately. Of course the grey areas mean that there is still a lot of crime involving dark objects. Dean and Seamus, having seen for 12 years the havoc objects imbibed with dark magic can cause, think there should be a blanket ban on all of these objects and when they find one they will attempt to destroy it. I like to think of objects like the necklace Malfoy used on Katie as an allegory for guns and the laws reminiscent of gun control laws so this likely won't be the last we encounter things like this, only the next time expect mention of dark artefacts to be accompanied by tragedy.**

 **I called Hermione a pioneer. Those sharp reader will have noticed I said cooperation with magical creatures rather than control, I hope that should be enough to give you an idea of what makes Hermione a pioneer.**

 **I'm going to finish each of these sections with questions that I hope will make you think about Rowling's books a bit more. I'd actually hoped they would make you think about the poetic nature of the magical universe JK created but I'm actually going to start with a flaw that I'm hoping maybe some reviewers can explain to me: Why was Pettigrew not forced to take an unbreakable vow to never reveal the location of the Potters after being made secret keeper?**

 **OK that's all, I think everything else is explained in the books or the Harry Potter canon. I hope you enjoyed this section and the story preceding it and please leave a review. Thanks!**


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